Our Miracle, A Year Later...

A year ago, Bryan and I were in an unimaginable and unenviable position - we were the proud, scared, thrilled, emotional parents of a newborn baby. The only problem? Our baby was not supposed to be born in March. She was not supposed to be born in April or May either. Her EDD was June 16, 2007, which made Ashley 11w6d early.

Our ordeal began on March 19, 2007. I was 2 cm dilated and 80% effaced. By 7 am on the morning of the 20th, I was 7 cm dilated. The entire staff at St. Joseph Mercy Hospital - Pontiac thought we would have Ashley on the 20th. My attending OB that day brought in the director of the NICU to brief us. I knew most of the problems that Ashley could face (periventricular leukomalacia, intraventricular hemmorhage, retinopathy of prematurity, cerebral palsy, hydrocephalus, mental retardation, etc.) simply from my employment as a medical malpractice attorney. Bryan, luckily, or unluckily (depending upon how you look at it), did not know as much.

However, we both had the same reaction that morning, tears were streaming down our face. I remember thinking, "this is not supposed to happen to us." I had the perfect pregnancy, up until March 19th. No complications, no abnormal blood pressure, nothing. I ate perfectly, watched what I was supposed to consume, limited my caffeine intake and exercised. I was the last person in the world that I expected this to happen to. But, what could I do? Bryan and I were told to start praying that the baby was a girl, because white girls do much better than white boys in the NICU (we did not learn the sex until Ashley was born). We were also told to pray that I make it to 28 weeks, because there is an 80% survival rate at that point. We prayed like crazy!

For reasons completely unknown to me, my body cooperated until Sunday, March 25th. I was exactly 28w1d at that point. My contractions began picking up again around 5:30 p.m. or 6:00 p.m. Bryan was at home taking care of some business (he had been a dear and was staying overnight at the hospital with me). I called him back to the hospital immediately. Approximately 3 hours later, at 8:32 p.m., after 10-15 minutes of pushing, Ashley was born. She weighed 2 pounds, 8.2 oz and was 14 inches long. Much to my surprise, she cried! I think that was the best sound I could have possibly heard. The NICU staff was present during the delivery and immediately began to stabilize/assess her. I was able to hold her for a few minutes before she was whisked away to the NICU.

Those next few hours were horrible. Everyone left my room shortly after Ashley did. I showered with the assistance of a nurse, then was whisked away to my post-partum room. I got to visit Ashley, which was surreal. She was so tiny and perfect. However, she was hooked up to an IV, oxygen, etc. This is not what I pictured my post-operative experience to be. We got to visit for about a half hour, then I went back to my room. This was a very lonely experience. I decided to breastfeed, so I had a breast pump delivered to my room. I had to wake myself up every 2-3 hours around the clock to pump, but my baby was no where in sight. That was pretty depressing. I could hear babies crying in the hallway, which depressed me even more.

The worst experience of my life, to date, was when I left the hospital without my baby, I almost cried. I would never wish that upon anyone. No mother should have to leave the hospital without her baby. Ashley was relatively stable, but Bryan and I were ever cognizant of the fact that something dire could happen at a moment's notice. When I left the hospital, it was no guarantee that Ashley would make it to the next day. I really did not want to leave, but my insurance would not let me stay.

I visited Ashley twice a day until she came home - 46 days later. Bryan would see her every day as well. We got to change her diaper, take her temperature, bathe her, hold her and, eventually, feed her by bottle. We lived for these moments. We never let the staff bathe Ashley, after we got the okay to do it. These small assistances allowed us to be a part of Ashley's daily life. We got to be parents for a short amount of time. Just like my pumping at home, we were a part of her care.

Ashley came home on May 10th on oxygen and a heart monitor. This was a scary experience. The heart monitor would beep if Ashley stopped breathing or if her heart stopped beating. Quite a few times, the alarm attached to the machine went off in the middle of the night, and both Bryan and I would sit bolt right up in bed and run to her bassinet! A couple of times, Ashley did stop breathing, but she always came back (another preemie complication). We finally got rid of the oxygen on June 15th and the heart monitor in July. Thank goodness!

Luckily for us, Ashley grew really well throughout her first year. We never had a set back and all of our developmental appointments came back with flying colors. We have never needed physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, or Early On. We have also only had to experience one cold - no fevers, RSV, ear infections, breathing problems, etc. We have been very, very lucky. We realize that not all preemie parents can say this, even parents of preemies born later than Ashley. We are well aware of what could have happened, and how different our lives could be. We were prepared for multiple specialist appointments, but we never have had to do this.

All we can do is be thankful to God. We firmly believe that my grandfather and Bryan's grandmother have been watching out for Ashley. She is truly a gift from God, as is her development, her milestones, her abilities, her personality, etc. We could not have asked for a better experience, and we are ever cognizant that another pregnancy could turn out completely different than this one. The fact that Ashley is developing along the lines of a normal one year old is just amazing to us. She is so smart and engaging, something that we were prepared for might never happen. We do not know why we were blessed this way, but we continue to thank God for this blessing.

We are forever proud to be Ashley's parents. I am firmly convinced that we had Ashley as a preemie so that we would not take life for granted. Most parents take their child's development, discoveries, abilities, etc. for granted. They compete for each other for the title of first smile, first crawl, etc. When Ashley was born, nothing was guaranteed. We did not know if she would smile, if she would talk, if she would stand, crawl, etc. We did not know how her prematurity would affect her. Each thing that Ashley has done has been a miracle for us. We celebrate everything that Ashley does because there was no guarantee. Her prematurity has taught us to be grateful for everything life offers us and we would not change it for the world.

Thank you Ashley for choosing us to be your parents! We absolutely love you princess and we are soooooo immensely proud of you. You have been a blessing and everything we could possibly hope for. Happy First Birthday Sweetie! We look forward to celebrating more birthdays with you.